Quarehawk

A quick Friday-night poll of my drunk mates gave this one the thumbs-down. No-one thinks it looks like Ricky Gervais (except me). One person thought it was supposed to be Dracula (!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!).

Whatever dudes, this website is the ongoing tragic chronicle of one big-eared man’s attempt to become a caricaturist. Every effort gets posted, good and bad. Maybe in a year’s time I’ll look back at this and cringe, and marvel at how much I’ve improved. Hopefully anyway.

Future biographers can use this effort to construct fascinating insights into my development as an artist. Heheh.

And regarding Ricky Gervais - comedy: great, films: shit. So far anyway.

[UPDATE: My ears aren't really that big]

[UPDATE UPDATE: Actually though, yeah. They probably are. DAMMIT!!!]

Certain cynical begrudging-type people will tell you that Tommy Tiernan has gone off the boil lately - that he’s still amusing enough but it’s all gone to his head and a fog of noxious smuggery has descended over his recent stage performances. Openly referring to himself as “A Funny Man” and goading the audience to laugh at him. As in how dare they not? These people say that although confidence is essential to any decent comic, cockiness is repulsive and Tommy Tiernan should take note …

And I agree with these people.

It’s fair to say that Lee Evans is a nice guy. And you can always rely on him to knock the stuffing out of it when he’s on stage. Last night at the Olympia he was testing out new material for his upcoming BIG tour. Of course this ‘testing’ element wasn’t mentioned when the tickets were being sold. Because would you pay to see a performer rehearse?

Bollocks. I suppose someone has to be the test audience.

So he’s brought a bunch of crib-notes along with him tonight, and he’s off …

[I'm not totally sure this drawing looks like him, but my friend Anna says yes so I'm going with it]

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“Vulcanized lizard cock from the moon”

People say the star of (and writing talent behind) Black Books always looks a bit drunk on stage, but I’d say Dylan Moran behaves more like a man who’s just finished a massive turkey dinner with roast potatoes and a few glasses of wine, and now he’s dog-tired and full as a tick. And he moves and sounds like he needs a good belch.

So I suppose it’s appropriate that E4 showed this gig over Christmas.

So… This particular show “Like, totally…” is a couple of years old now, having been recorded in London in 2005, but that doesn’t really matter much because his material isn’t in any way topical. And that’s a good thing.

Against a changing backdrop of his own cartoons and doodles (which have no connection to what’s being said and are impenetrable to say the least), Moran delivers a slow-moving performance, but a good one nonetheless.

He says : “[People often choose their bed partners while drunk], but you wouldn’t pick out a toaster while drunk”.

HA ! That’s a good one, and Moran is funny definitely, but annoyingly unquotable. You don’t come away from this gig with very many quips like that one that you could steal for yourself. His humour is too closely wrapped up in his personality. He’s fond of starting a normal anecdote and jumping into a surreal quip. For instance, he took us through a heart-warming story of childhood innocence, with him enjoying ice-cream at his mothers knee, before switching to “then the cage came down, the CAGE FULL OF JAPANESE FIGHTING SPIDERS !!!!!”.

Surrealism like that is a risky route for a stand-up performer to take. Half the audience end up bewildered, but probably not as bewildered as Dylan Moran himself looks.

On air hostesses : “Would you like a glass of wine sir? With your vulcanized lizard cock from the moon?”

Well dressed for a comic, this Navan man’s got a soothing late night jazz club kind of voice. Mellifluous with an endearing slur. Rumbling pleasantly and occasionally dropping into whispers. You could use a CD of his, turned down low to coax you off to sleep. Although a CD wouldn’t do this act justice, because to appreciate the man you need to take in the visuals as well ; on stage he always looks to be staggering and wavering a bit, pausing to drag on a cigarette or slurp from his wine glass. With his mix of opinionatedness and perplexity, a vital part of Moran’s comedy is him, his persona and his quirky mannerisms.

To sum up, “Relaxing” is probably the best description of Dylan Moran’s comedic style. This was a relaxing and soothingly amusing kind of a show, rather than “side-splitting”. But I liked it a lot ! Hopefully he’ll be back doing Vicar street soon.

He’s STILL the motherf*cking D.O.D !

If you ever get a pain in your gluteals from watching the standard “Worldly Observer In Jeans” comedic persona, then crazy-haired David O’Doherty could be just the man for you. Not that he doesn’t make worldly observations or wear jeans, obviously he does. But he has incorporated other bizarre and whimsical additions into his act that might tickle your funny bone (your nervus ulnaris as it were - yeah what? I bought a medical dictionary! Fuck you).

On a laughably shoddy Vicar Street set which he says he made himself, O’Doherty’s gone a bit Harry Hill tonight for this latest show, with his supporting cast of a pixie, someone in a dolphin costume, and a team of “Robot Butlers”. The man is mad. It’s hard to imagine him being anything other than a comedian.

[These cartoons are becoming mildly deranged. Don't think I don't know it. I should probably look into taking some classes or something]

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“Let’s F**k while we’re young !”

As you might expect from Russell Brand, the house speakers were booming out Morrissey as we punters trundled in. And the first thing I notice is that the Olympia stage has been “done up” since I last saw it (at the REM gig). Fancified. Looks good too.

Russell’s BBC radio show cohort Mr G is warming up the crowd. I missed most of his act because I was getting drinks in, but it was noticeable that the boozy audience were talking among themselves throughout his set. Slightly ugly. Made me feel a bit sorry for him. But actually not that sorry, because you and me have ordinary jobs and he travels around the world with Russell Brand, larking about and meeting interesting showbiz types and attending glitzy parties. That’s what I assume anyway.

At 11.40 I text my mate “I have a pint and I’m in my seat waiting. Where is the lanky bollox?”. “Probably in the loo shagging 2 birds” comes the reply, but it turned out Brand was on his way back from the Late Late Show studio. Sorry I missed that. The notion of Russell Brand on Pat Kenny boggles my mind. Russell Brand on The Late Late I mean - not on Pat Kenny literally.

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Ten minutes after the official start-time the lights dip. “Would you welcome to the stage … Dara O’Briain”, says an unseen voice behind the curtain, which you quickly realize is that of Dara O’Briain himself. And out he comes. Ah yes, I forgot this was Vicar Street, where the comedians have to develop multiple personality disorders and introduce themselves speaking in the third person.

It’s only Monday night and the place is pretty much full. Maybe everyone went home and changed but they don’t look much like the office crowd I was expecting. And Dara O’Briain doesn’t look much like a stand-up. In a smart suit minus the tie, and eschewing the traditional microphone stand for a pinned-on radio mic which leaves him free to gesticulate with both hands, he reminds you a bit of a motivational speaker at a corporate gathering.

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Anyone who tried to order balcony seat tickets for this gig online got the message “No seats available for your selection”, giving the wrong impression that the event had sold out. Actually what happened was the opposite - the balcony wasn’t in use because they knew they couldn’t fill it. This is hardly surprising though - Sean Hughes hasn’t really done anything to keep himself in the Irish spotlight since leaving “Never Mind The Buzzcocks”.

This show wasn’t publicized much. You get the suspicion he was just over visiting his parents for the Bank Holiday weekend and decided to chance his arm with a gig while he was here.

If so, I’m glad he did. Because he’s still good.
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“We are ugly, us Irish men. I’m no oil painting but I know plenty of guys who aren’t even a sketch”

I went to this gig drunk, arriving just as the warm up guy came on. and he was pretty good, John Lynn. He’s an ex teacher who won the Bulmers Best Newcomer award. With a powerful commanding voice, resonating around the venue, he has tales of his old job and commentary on the much-mined field of “Male and female realtionships”. At this stage I’m impressed when I meet a comedian who doesn’t resort to this old content, but anyhoodle John Lynn does it well. His impressions of his girlfriend drunk are a riot. Seemingly he’s a seasoned warm-up man, kicking it off for Tommy Tiernan and Des Bishop as well. He does a bit of interacting with the audience - mainly picking on a singing teacher, whom he mocks for her posh job versus some of the rougher schools he’s worked in. Funny dude - I’d pay to see him as the headline.

So, on comes Colin Murphy. He’s got on a suit jacket and jeans, and a red shirt that coordinates perfectly with the red curtain background of the stage. Was that just a coincidence ? Probably.

“So how many people drove here tonight ? [PAUSE] …… with your L-PLATES HAHAHAHAHAHA !”
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“Ladies and Gentlemen, would you welcome please your clown for this evening … Andrew Maxwell !!!!”

And our clown for this evening in no rush. He totters out like a little puppet, with a hilarious grin on his face. Here is a man in a very good mood, and he spends a minute just walking back and forth smiling and waving cheesily, like as if Toymaster were showcasing this year’s newest fad - a wind-up clockwork comedian. 33 years old and not a hint of baldness. The bastard.

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