Quarehawk

Stipey!

Something, maybe nostalgia (or it may have been “Smithwicks”) made me do a web search for “R.E.M Slane 95″. It turned up only a handful of photos, none of the actual concert itself, and zero videos.

Whereas my sister went to Oxegen this year, and if she ever feels wistful (drunk) and wants to re-live it she’ll have pages of shaky YouTube videos to trawl through, and probably seven million pics on Flickr.

Years from now you’ll be able to have a themed Oxegen 2008 house party where you get your old gang around with cans and run the clips and the slideshow on your jumbo flatscreen. Those youngsters today with their electrical internet, they don’t know how good they have it!!!

*Shakes fist out the window at a random teenager*

On the other hand, I made this same point to a taxi driver yesterday and he said “Well what about me? My best gig ever was seeing Rory Gallagher in 1977″.

Okay well he’s totally screwed. I gave him a 2 euro tip.

Guardian columnist and zombie-fanatic Charlie Brooker.

This is part one of a series I’m doing entitled “Caricatures nobody will ever search the web for”.

Well according to this RTE News article, yes.

What’s the story get up the yard I nearly broke me shite laughing!!! Oh wait … that’s a stereotypical Dublin voice I’m doing, rather than something Irish generally. Anyhow - fair fecks to him!!! Be the jaypers he’s some man for one man!

It’s just that he’s such a bizarrely interesting-looking creature. He might turn out to be a benevolent alien being, come to educate Earth-women about loving their own bodies.

But whatever, aside from all the tv nonsense Gok Wan’s basic message about self-image is fairly sound, and can be easily summed up….

Ahem

BE. MORE. CONFIDENT.

So there you have it. Gok Wan.

[It would be immature to point out that Gok Wan is an anagram of "Go Wank"]

[Do you think I've used the term "Gok Wan" enough times in this post to make it appealing to search-engines? I certainly hope so. Gok Wan]

Magazine surveys often tell you that James Bond is the movie-character most men want to be and women want to be romanced by. But if James Bond were a real person he’d be a festering pus-bucket of STDs, and unable to get a competitive quote on life assurance.

[Also - what is a "quantum of solace"? Because I have no idea]

There’s been a load of guff all over various blogs today about Prince Charles turning down a cameo role in Dr Who. I assume it’s just some misunderstanding that’s been blown out of all proportion for the sake of a story. The producers probably jokingly sent in a request and got a standard letter from his office politely declining.

It reminded me though of Ben Elton’s book “Chart Throb”, which is a funny story about how HRH is persuaded to enter an X-Factor type competition. It’s a good “Beach Read”, and pretty much blows apart the inner workings of those tv “talent” shows. And of course the book is littered with Ben Elton’s humour, if you like that.

Anyway, and more importantly - it’s practically a rite of passage for every wannabe caricaturist to take a crack at Prince Charles at some stage, and I wouldn’t want to defy tradition this early in the game and get myself drummed out of the union, so here’s mine …

I don’t mean to say that Bernard Dunne is conceited. It’s just that looking at him with a cartoon in mind, what jumps out at you is his over-sized cranium.

Presumably he’s just a small guy with a normal-proportioned head, whom you mostly see with his shirt off, and that’s magnifying the effect.

Dunne’s last couple of scraps weren’t much more than reasonable performances against middling opposition. But fair play to him for bouncing back from that Martinez fight.

Bernard Dunne has had some of his thunder stolen lately what with Ken Egan and the Olympic medals getting the spotlight. It’s hard to know what the next move for him will be. There’s only so long he can keep slogging though the ranks before he’ll be expected to take on a big fight. It’d be a shame to see that talent just fade away. But maybe he’s got something big lined up and is about to announce it. He might be just keeping it under his hat for now.

Wait for it … he’s keeping it under his GIGANTIC hat. HAR!

[Oh Lordy. I have to lie down now - I think I pulled a muscle stretching for that punchline. HA! "PUNCH" line!!! I'm on fire over here! (Would someone take this keyboard off me please? For my own good)]

I like Peter Kay, and his cozy comedy of the familiar. But here’s something I don’t get - he won “Best One-Liner” in a tv comedy poll last year for this quip …

“Garlic bread - it’s the future, I’ve tasted it”

Now. I can detect no humour whatsoever in that statement. I’ve even heard it in context on Phoenix Nights and in every one of his live DVDs, and each time my sides remained unsplit. What the hell is everyone finding so funny here that I’m missing? I feel like an idiot.

[And Lord knows why I went with that colour-scheme for this drawing. It looks hideous now that it's finished. It reminds me of the time in Only Fools And Horses when Del Boy painted some guy's kitchen luminous yellow. Then I thought about titling this post "The Golden Boy Of Comedy", thereby providing a justification for the colour, on account of how I'm clever like that. But then I said "F*ck it"]

What I mean is, aren’t all high-achieving/entrepreneurial/self-made millionaire types suffering from some kind of behavioral disorder? If you met anyone with an overwhelming daily compulsion to eat clay, or poo in the icebox, you’d want them to get help. But what if someone’s compulsion is to work work work until they’ve amassed wealth beyond any reasonable chance of spending it, if they’re compelled to hold 6:30am meetings and are never satisfied with their business achievements, but keep striving on and on? I know these are the people we are supposed to envy and admire. But it sounds like a psychological aberration to me.

Also - The Apprentice is a ridiculously contrived and scripted show. Bill Cullen looks like he’s trying very hard at the request of the producers to appear nasty. It’s a cringe-fest.

And the premise is pretty stupid. He’s “Looking for an apprentice” ? So the most efficient way to find an employee is several weeks of setting idiotic tasks? Rubbish.

I suppose Bill Cullen is in it because he wants to be a television personality, plain and simple. And who in their right mind would want THAT? Exactly. As I say, mad as a hatter.

He’ll probably be judging “You’re A Star” next year.

[I hope Bill Cullen doesn't see this post. He could probably buy up the web hosting company and the ISP and CRUSH ME LIKE AN ANT!!!]