Quarehawk

Episode 1

“There is a sense that one has only to mention the name Peig Sayers to a certain age group and one will see a dramatic rolling of the eyes, or worse.” John Minihan, speaking in Seanad Eireann in 2006.

Well yeah. But the ghost of Peig Sayers helping an entrepreneur start up an Irish-based business does sound fairly amusing. Although because it’s on TG4, you know this series is basically going to be an extended plug for Irish, but that’s fine. Plugging the Irish language is the entire purpose of TG4. And it’s certainly preferable to sit down to something like this than to the recent embarrassing madness of a dubbed Southpark.

I’ve seen Paddy Courtney the stand-up comedian in his host/warm up role at a few gigs. Once supporting Jerry Sadowitz, and most recently at the Podge and Rodge live show last autumn. He’s good. High-energy, shouty kind of a comic.

Here he’s playing a typical suited office drone. And he’s doing it well, not over-acting like the prat who’s playing his flatmate.

Then it’s straight to the cheesecake - we are introduced to Siobhan who’s in a restaurant talking with this worryingly intense guy. It transpires that he’s her ex and is trying to get her back. He’s showing her pictures of the house he’s bought and she’s going “What part of finished did you not understand?”. And this dude is scary. But even more scary is the revelation that there are people in Dublin in their 30s going around speaking as gaelige. But whatever.

Soon we cut to the offices of Maxicorp whose line of business is not quite clear. Although the name makes me think maybe they sell sanitary towels, so let’s assume that. Paddy is hard at work, on the phone presumably dealing with a difficult ST customer. The caller probably isn’t happy with the promised all day freshness and thinks their ads exaggerated the amount of blue liquid the product can soak up. Paddy is asking over his shoulder for someone to get him the client’s file. So here comes Siobhan to hand him the file. And Paddy gets this look of revelation on his face upon seeing Siobhan. Well alright, she’s no dog I’ll admit, but I don’t think men are allowed to look at women that way in the modern workplace.

But it doesn’t matter anyway because the office manager, whose hair resembles the pelt of a swamp-dwelling marsupial, calls them all in to the boardroom. Here they watch a video of the Global Head of Maxicorp telling them that everyone is being made redundant.

Well, no one can accuse this director of dragging out the story. Paddy has met Siobhan. Siobhan speaks Irish. They are both out of work now. [Check]

Between scenes we keep seeing the Luas. Dublin has trams now viewers, and this is set in the present modern times, the director will have us know. The style of these linking shots is good thought, with their drab gray lighting.

Later in the pub (Which I think might be Halo in The Morrison Hotel), some other background corporate plonker explains to Paddy how he got a grant from some Gaelgoir Association to start a business. Got that? The TG4 Department of Plot Exposition would like you to know that you are eligible for a grant if you form a business conducted primarily through Irish. [Check]

Outside now, much later. A drunken Paddy is tottering at an ATM, on College green it looks like, where he accidentally selects ‘Gaeilge’ on the machine. Ha ! Most drunks have done that at some point.

And here comes Peig Sayers, dressed all in black with a shawl around her head. And she speaks mainly in aphorisms, like Yoda. “When the drink is in the sense is out” she offers. Paddy doesn’t understand a word of her counseling. The next scene is of him waking up on a couch.

Now I’m thinking - We’ve had a messy relationship break up, harrowing job-losses and unwise self-medication using alcohol, and now the drunken hallucinations of the unemployed Paddy’s fractured mind.

Are we sure this is a comedy ?

Everything so far could just as easily have been done in the style of a thoughtful arty drama. No one has uttered a single funny line yet or had anything hilarious happen to them.

I guess maybe we’re still just setting the scene for laughs. The thigh-slappery will follow soon. Oh boy !

Aaaaaand……oh. Now Siobhan is being evicted from her apartment. Which is hardly believable. If you miss a month’s rent then the landlord has to take some legal steps to get you out. It wouldn’t just be you standing on the doorstep with a box of your stuff and him locking the door and taking the keys with him. Plus the landlord, like all the bad guys in this program, is a ridiculous over-the-top caricature of evil. This is not a subtle production.

Meanwhile Paddy has gone to the office of these mysterious Gaelgoirs Who Give Away Money and has spoken to Frank Kelly, who is some kind of administrator. Paddy wants a grant but doesn’t have a business plan, but Father Jack is encouraging and tells him to come along that night to “Club Craic”. I kid you not. That’s the name they’ve given it, Club Craic. My brain is bleeding having just heard it.

Side note : It seems that in Dublin these days, even long-haired teenage skateboard punks converse casually in Irish. Who’d have thought ?

Peig pops up out of a bin outside the Gaelgoir building (Really!) and offers Paddy some more more wisdom and encouragement. Paddy calls her a figment of his imagination.

Scene change. Yeah we get it !!! Stop with the trams !!!

So, to the interior of the enigmatic ‘Club Craic’. Father Jack is there watching a mime, but Paddy spots Siobhan and goes to talk to her in his fumbling Irish. Evil ex-boyfriend turns up and snarls and insults Paddy as Gaeilge, and Paddy reacts sheepishly to an onslaught that in real life would have ended in a fat lip.

More trams.

Daytime again and now we’re in Connelly Station. After seeing off his arsehole flatmate (Who’s off on a sailing weekend. Hopefully to drown) Paddy meets PeigYoda on the platform, spouting more of her wholesome bon mots. “You can’t make a horse out of a donkey” she offers.

Peig goes off to make a phonecall and Paddy bumps into Siobhan who’s heading home to Connemara. With, it turns out, her sleaze-man ex-boyfriend. She’s not interested in Paddy’s stupid plans to form a business.

Now who the hell is Peig ringing from the platform in Connelly to talk Irish to? God maybe? I suppose it’ll be revealed later, which gives us a reason to keep watching. Fine, I like a mystery. Hopefully it’ll turn out to be Sharon Ni Bheolain.

And now Siobhan is on the train and sleaze-man is getting out an engagement ring. But she gets away from him and as the train departs she rolls up to Paddy and Peig (Although obviously Siobhan can’t see Pieg).

Blah blah. Siobhan finally agrees to work with Paddy in his soon to be formed Irish business as long as… wait for it … as long as they “Do this right and converse with each other only in Irish”. A piece of dialogue and plotting I would describe as “strained” to say the least.

And that’s it for this week.

Okay there are some annoying background characters here, but the main ones are solid. It’s half in Irish half in English but at least they’ve found a premise where that makes sense, and at least they’ve included subtitles. Courtney is good. Siobhan is hot. The idea is original and has potential, and the production quality is good. I’d say stick with this for a few weeks to see where it goes.

I don’t recall actually bursting out laughing anywhere though. I suppose that’s what’s meant by the term “Comedy-Drama”.

And of course I favour the death penalty for whatever unimaginative drip decided to name the series “Paddywhackery”.