Quarehawk

Here we are in episode 4 and the bumbling shitfest that is “The English Class” continues unabated. Oh RTE - what are you trying to do to us? Us license payers who love you? Sometimes following comedy on RTE is like being in an abusive marriage. They keep hurting us but we stay with them and kid ourselves that it’ll get better.

RTE were just going through a tough time these past 30 years, we rationalize, twisting a handkerchief in our tense fingers, but this season they’ve got themselves together and worked out their issues. And now they understand our needs (we need half-intelligent humour), and we know it will be better from here on in. Because remember “Paths To Freedom” we say, brightening up, and look at “The Panel”. That Panel is funny! Yeah, those good times make it worthwhile we think, blinking our puffy swollen eyes and trying to keep our gaze from falling on the “Upwardly Mobile” box set we got three Christmases ago.

Well alright, you can sort of understand the thinking behind this English Class bollox. It’s certainly a topical theme. You know ? Immigrants and all that. I can see how it might appear on paper to have exciting humour-potential. And any new comedy is always welcome around my house. So okay, points for that RTE. Thanks for trying.

Although this is not even entirely new, as you probably know. Because if you had BBC back in the 70s you may remember a program with an identical premise called Mind Your Language, which is one of those oldies that never gets repeated now, because in typical 1970s britcom style it was woefully racist. And The English Class, RTE’s 2007 update, skillfully manages the twin feats of mostly avoiding the racism while simultaneously staying true to the spirit of it’s forerunner (by being sickeningly unfunny).

You see, the first thing that should tip the savvy viewer off about the level of originality and wit in this sitcom is the fact that they titled it “The English Class”. Because is it even theoretically possible to have a more unimaginative name?

So here we go. The gist is : Miles Brennan is an embarrassing cringe-inducing sap who thinks he and his supposed unconventional methods are great - so in no way a poor man’s rip-off of David Brent. The motley crew of foreign stereotypes who make up his English class are frustrated at his poor handing of the course, and the whole thing is filmed in fake documentary style with a voice-over (from one of the students I think), which certainly isn’t borrowing from The Office. And the Miles Brennan character does this leaning-back hand-flapping manoeuvre which does not in any shape or form echo Alan Partridge.

Fuck off RTE.

The socially-inept Miles, lacking the self-awareness that would let him see how embarrassing he is, drags his charges through bizarre instructional pieces such as listening to CDs of Irish Music and singing alphabet songs. You see what I mean about how this could actually potentially be funny ? In the last episode I watched, Miles had them doing tongue-twisters; “A noisy noise annoys an oyster’s knickers” or something similar, which is a phrase so crazy it could seep into the cracks in your brain and cause you to wake up in the middle of the night years from now muttering it to yourself.

It looks like the same creative team who came up with the title were put to work on the students’ names - we have “Carmen” from Spain, “Mila” from Belarus, “Chen” from probably China I think. There’s an African guy in there as well.

A side plot has Miles labouring to get a promotion or a permanent position or something like that, which he does by bothering the put-upon administrative secretary. Her performance is quite good by the way. Deadpan. Minimalist. I didn’t catch her character’s name but you may as well call her Dawn or Pam, if you catch my drift. And to be fair in these scenes William Morgan is playing the clueless nerdy guy pretty convincingly. We can all recognise this character, the male who thinks he’s being charming as he creeps out a lady colleague who’s trying to get him to go away. There are even some knowing looks to the camera, but at least this is done sparingly.

Aha ! Turns out the African lad’s name is “Ernest”. Well … we should be grateful they didn’t call him “Umboko” or something.

I suppose what we are witnessing here is cringe-comedy attempting it’s first wobbly steps in Ireland. Only about 10 years too late. Because it’s all Someone says something wildly embarrassing and inappropriate like “I sleep with prostitutes” and there’s a teeth-grinding moment of silence while all the characters look at each other.

And so, after watching a few episodes of this home-grown sitcom you might find yourself torn. About whom to blame I mean. I don’t know enough about the tv business to speculate if this atrocity is the actor’s fault or if he’s just dutifully doing whatever the director told him. Maybe William Morgan went home every night after filming and sat up and drank a bottle of gin, crying and wondering about his life. Spending weekends holed up in his room, unshaven, with the curtains drawn. Refusing all food and stubbing out lit cigarettes on his genitals. That’s what I’d have done anyway, in his position.

Because actually, my heart is breaking for him. The jokes are telegraphed and cheap, the characters one-dimensional, the plot simplistic and patronizing to any moderately sophisticated viewer, and the credits reveal that Morgan is a co-writer for this. Okay, it’s all gone wrong here, but I think this man does have some talent. There are some hints of cleverness in the mix, shades of smart ideas here and there, but you have to really look for them.

Maybe in 5 years time after he’s a big success, we might see Morgan on The Tubridy show explaining about how the production company hijacked his original idea for The English Class and allowed their marketing team to turn it into this watered-down muck. And how he learned his lesson from that and insisted in the future on more creative control, before going on to make the later classics that turned him into a beloved figure, a Colossus of Irish Comedy. It could happen.

So I’d say keep an eye out for him. I’ll be cheering on William Morgan’s next efforts and willing him to reach his potential.

But I’m certainly not going to watch any more of The English Class.