Quarehawk

Some days you might feel a little bit bad for Brian Cowen. Presumably it was his dream to become Taoiseach, and after watching Bertie Ahern preside over the boom years, finally his time comes and he’s forced to take the reins for a recession. This is like inheriting the Playboy Mansion from Hugh Hefner only to find all the bunnies are dead.

I’m not educated enough to analyse the recent budget. But it gives me some comfort that at least I am aware of this fact. I’ll never understand how the man-in-the-pub thinks he has enough information to make a sensible assessment. You’d need a grounding in economic theory to start, and then be confident in your ability to forecast how world events will pan out over the next several years.

There are literally thousands of fluctuating variables to take into account. And one war, or natural disaster, or scientific breakthrough (say in the area of energy) could render all previous analysis useless.

How is it possible to decide now if any Government fiscal policy is right or not?

All I can think regarding the current financial markets is that if you’re lucky enough to have savings then this could be the best opportunity of our lifetimes to buy shares at bargain prices. Civilization as we know it will either crumble (unlikely), in which case it won’t matter how you invested your money, or (MUCH more likely) the markets will eventually recover as they always have done following previous meltdowns, and that rising tide will lift all boats.

So …

1) Brian Cowen probably hasn’t any more of a clue about all of this than I do.
2) I wonder does he have any investments of his own?
3) You shouldn’t be getting your economic analysis from an amateur cartoonist’s blog.

There’s been a load of guff all over various blogs today about Prince Charles turning down a cameo role in Dr Who. I assume it’s just some misunderstanding that’s been blown out of all proportion for the sake of a story. The producers probably jokingly sent in a request and got a standard letter from his office politely declining.

It reminded me though of Ben Elton’s book “Chart Throb”, which is a funny story about how HRH is persuaded to enter an X-Factor type competition. It’s a good “Beach Read”, and pretty much blows apart the inner workings of those tv “talent” shows. And of course the book is littered with Ben Elton’s humour, if you like that.

Anyway, and more importantly - it’s practically a rite of passage for every wannabe caricaturist to take a crack at Prince Charles at some stage, and I wouldn’t want to defy tradition this early in the game and get myself drummed out of the union, so here’s mine …

I don’t mean to say that Bernard Dunne is conceited. It’s just that looking at him with a cartoon in mind, what jumps out at you is his over-sized cranium.

Presumably he’s just a small guy with a normal-proportioned head, whom you mostly see with his shirt off, and that’s magnifying the effect.

Dunne’s last couple of scraps weren’t much more than reasonable performances against middling opposition. But fair play to him for bouncing back from that Martinez fight.

Bernard Dunne has had some of his thunder stolen lately what with Ken Egan and the Olympic medals getting the spotlight. It’s hard to know what the next move for him will be. There’s only so long he can keep slogging though the ranks before he’ll be expected to take on a big fight. It’d be a shame to see that talent just fade away. But maybe he’s got something big lined up and is about to announce it. He might be just keeping it under his hat for now.

Wait for it … he’s keeping it under his GIGANTIC hat. HAR!

[Oh Lordy. I have to lie down now - I think I pulled a muscle stretching for that punchline. HA! "PUNCH" line!!! I'm on fire over here! (Would someone take this keyboard off me please? For my own good)]

I like Peter Kay, and his cozy comedy of the familiar. But here’s something I don’t get - he won “Best One-Liner” in a tv comedy poll last year for this quip …

“Garlic bread - it’s the future, I’ve tasted it”

Now. I can detect no humour whatsoever in that statement. I’ve even heard it in context on Phoenix Nights and in every one of his live DVDs, and each time my sides remained unsplit. What the hell is everyone finding so funny here that I’m missing? I feel like an idiot.

[And Lord knows why I went with that colour-scheme for this drawing. It looks hideous now that it's finished. It reminds me of the time in Only Fools And Horses when Del Boy painted some guy's kitchen luminous yellow. Then I thought about titling this post "The Golden Boy Of Comedy", thereby providing a justification for the colour, on account of how I'm clever like that. But then I said "F*ck it"]

What I mean is, aren’t all high-achieving/entrepreneurial/self-made millionaire types suffering from some kind of behavioral disorder? If you met anyone with an overwhelming daily compulsion to eat clay, or poo in the icebox, you’d want them to get help. But what if someone’s compulsion is to work work work until they’ve amassed wealth beyond any reasonable chance of spending it, if they’re compelled to hold 6:30am meetings and are never satisfied with their business achievements, but keep striving on and on? I know these are the people we are supposed to envy and admire. But it sounds like a psychological aberration to me.

Also - The Apprentice is a ridiculously contrived and scripted show. Bill Cullen looks like he’s trying very hard at the request of the producers to appear nasty. It’s a cringe-fest.

And the premise is pretty stupid. He’s “Looking for an apprentice” ? So the most efficient way to find an employee is several weeks of setting idiotic tasks? Rubbish.

I suppose Bill Cullen is in it because he wants to be a television personality, plain and simple. And who in their right mind would want THAT? Exactly. As I say, mad as a hatter.

He’ll probably be judging “You’re A Star” next year.

[I hope Bill Cullen doesn't see this post. He could probably buy up the web hosting company and the ISP and CRUSH ME LIKE AN ANT!!!]

Here’s what’s interesting to me about Bob Dylan (aside from the obvious): He’s the most well-known “singer with an acoustic guitar” in the world. But he’s not technically that great a guitar player. And even a fan would concede that Dylan’s no great shakes vocally either. The man has achieved the rank of “Definitive Example” for two things he’s not really much use at. That’s incredible. And I’m sure there’s a lesson in it somewhere.

A motivational speaker could work it up into a homily - “There was once a simple man who dreamed of becoming a famous musician. Then he realized that there were much better guitarists and singers all around him, with skills he could never hope to emulate. But did that stop him? No, because the man had something special he wanted to share with the world, and because he believed in himself and worked hard etc etc blah blah. And that man was …. Bob Dylan.”

Actually though, that story is quite inspirational. As in - I may not be the best caricaturist in Ireland or the most insightful blogger, but maybe just maybe if I persevere I might someday get a few readers! What? It could happen. Shut up.

PS: Obviously I like Bob Dylan and think he’s a genius (in case it’s coming across differently above).